Friday, May 25, 2012

"Nobody could be that clever." "You could."


I'm not really a TV show person, but good gravy, Sherlock is just about the best thing I have ever witnessed via TV screen!  And season three doesn't come out until December... *sigh.*
What I love most about the series is the camaraderie between Sherlock and John.  I think comradeship, or brotherhood, is the purest, most valuable kind of relationship.  Maybe I have a skewed understanding of other relationships, or maybe I've seen Band of Brothers and read Henry V too many times, but it seems to me that comradeship is the highest form of relationship because it is selfless at it's core.  A comrade doesn't need anything from his friend, isn't looking to satisfy himself in his friend, doesn't want to take anything from his friend.  Comrades fight back-to-back for the sake of a cause that is more important than them.  They know each other so well because they are not trying to impress the other.  They are vulnerable to each other (standing back-to-back, their weakest points against each other) because it produces a greater chance of victory for the cause.  They've lived life together and know how the other reacts in many different circumstances.
Anyway, I digress.
I won't give away the whole plot, but at the end of the last episode, Sherlock is set up and everyone starts believing a lie about him, everyone except John.  Sherlock asks John if he is starting to doubt like everyone else.  John replies, "Not me.  I know you."

Why do I bring all this up?  I want my relationship with Jesus to be like that.  When all my circumstances make Jesus look like a liar, when I don't understand His Word, when my mind can't understand how Jesus could really be who He says He is, I want to look past all the confusion, lock eyes with Him, and say, "Not me.  I know You."

I want to know Him beyond my own understanding.  If fact, if I want to truly know Him at all, it has to be beyond my own understanding; there's no way my tiny mind can understand my infinite Lord.

Reminds me of "The Supreme Climb" in Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest-
The great lesson to be learned from Abraham’s faith in God is that he was prepared to do anything for God. He was there to obey God, no matter what contrary belief of his might be violated by his obedience. Abraham was not devoted to his own convictions or else he would have slain Isaac and said that the voice of the angel was actually the voice of the devil. That is the attitude of a fanatic. If you will remain true to God, God will lead you directly through every barrier and right into the inner chamber of the knowledge of Himself. But you must always be willing to come to the point of giving up your own convictions and traditional beliefs.


I want to be devoted to Christ, not to my own convictions.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

"People are always saying that change is a good thing..."

"It should be so exciting, to be out in the world, to be free!  My heart should be wildly rejoicing... Oh what's the matter with me?"
Today I graduated from Rollins with a BA degree.  I should be thrilled.  I am thrilled.  But, I'm also (pathetic and nerdish as it may be) heartbroken.  I hate change.  I've always hated it.  I know God has many beautiful things ahead, but right now, I only want to focus on the loss.  I've spent 5 difficult, glorious years at Rollins, especially this past semester.  I'm a learner at heart and love overcoming challenges and working through deep concepts.  I've identified myself as a student my whole life... now what?  God knows, and I do completely trust Him in that.  But it's still hard for me to face change.  I feel like I did when we moved from our old house.  We were moving to a bigger, more beautiful house and I wouldn't have to share a room anymore, but the actual move tore me up.  Grabbing hold of one thing means letting go of another.  It's the same problem I had with growing up.  Sure I could drive a car, but I couldn't enjoy carousels.  That bothered me so much.  I don't know why.  I'm just silly like that.