It's a Wonderful Life

       I was driving home from a depressing day at work, feeling low, when God flooded my mind with flashes of beautiful memories- vibrant FL sky, theme song texts from Dams, the crisp smell of winter trees, Jason dances, Ukraine, my Dad's voice, Tennyson, "Miss Abi, I'm gonna ask Santa to bring you Diamonds," Wesley-made apple and cheese omlettes with blueberries, Robin's ears, yellow, twinkle lights, despereauxing, Southern fam, Jesus..... I cried in my car for the joy of it all.  I have Jesus, and all this as well?  Our God is overwhelmingly generous.  
       I've realized this year has been especially wonderful.  It started with Passion, where God began to unravel my bound heart and allowed it to begin trusting Him truly.  Then my bosom friend got engaged... engaged!  She's getting married!  She's my shield, and I've learned more from her example in this season than I can express.  I loved most of my classes and got As both semesters.  I started working at the Bookstore, surrounded by beautiful words and women who invest in me and love me.  I spent two glorious months in Ukraine that has and will shape my life forever.  I started writing poetry again.  I met and grew closer to beautiful people.  I've seen the sun rise and set over the sea from two different coasts on the same day.  My Savior has revealed Himself ever more beautiful and good and just and loving.  He's set me aflame and given me purpose, specific purpose unraveling before my very eyes!  I know who I am now on a far deeper plane than ever before- what I'm good at, what I'm not, what I hate, where I'm weak.  Something else about this year, it was the first year I could say I'm truly content to be single.  I've been single my whole life either from pure conviction or even fear, but this year I've loved it.  I've seen how God has protected my heart and used singleness to cultivate good.  I don't worry about the future anymore, it's in God's hands.
       I don't say all this to boast, well, not in myself at least.  God has changed my life, is changing my life, my pathetic life!  He works all things together for good, and I am thankful for the ways He is working it in my own life.  Life isn't perfect; I am so far from perfect.  But.  this realization doesn't cause me to despair anymore.  Yes, I am a wretched sinner who has spent her whole life fighting against the proof that she can't make herself worthy.  But Jesus saves...

The LORD saw it, and it displeased him

that there was no justice.

He saw that there was no man,

and wondered that there was no one to intercede;

then his own arm brought him salvation,

and his righteousness upheld him.

He put on righteousness as a breastplate,

and a helmet of salvation on his head;

he put on garments of vengeance for clothing,

and wrapped himself in zeal as a cloak...And a Redeemer will come to Zion,

to those in Jacob who turn from transgression,” declares the LORD.

(Isaiah 59)