I try very hard to be self-sufficient. Bad idea. God's teaching me 1) I need people. 2) It is OK that I need people. 3) It's OK that I NEED. I don't like to even write the words, but they are true. they are good.
That said, I need help. Being a Christian and a successful student at Rollins are not going over very well. I've been able to talk about Jesus with some of my classmates, and a couple of them have been receptive, but I'm certainly not allowing God to proclaim His love and glory through me on campus. It's an exhausting spiritual battle just to fight off my own doubt and fear I encounter every day through my professors and classmates. I don't walk in freedom, and I don't walk in love. Loving stuck up, hypocritical, selfish, materialistic, spoiled college students WILL NOT happen unless God gives me love for them. And my biggest temptation? Dressing in my rigid, ambitious, smart-ass lit nerd persona and not just being a person who loves Jesus.
Pray for me? I want this semester, my last one, to be marked as a time people experienced the love of Jesus, not a time that fed my ego.
That said, I need help. Being a Christian and a successful student at Rollins are not going over very well. I've been able to talk about Jesus with some of my classmates, and a couple of them have been receptive, but I'm certainly not allowing God to proclaim His love and glory through me on campus. It's an exhausting spiritual battle just to fight off my own doubt and fear I encounter every day through my professors and classmates. I don't walk in freedom, and I don't walk in love. Loving stuck up, hypocritical, selfish, materialistic, spoiled college students WILL NOT happen unless God gives me love for them. And my biggest temptation? Dressing in my rigid, ambitious, smart-ass lit nerd persona and not just being a person who loves Jesus.
Pray for me? I want this semester, my last one, to be marked as a time people experienced the love of Jesus, not a time that fed my ego.
1 comment:
funny. wierd.
in completely opposite circumstances...we're learning the same thing. it's ok to need. it's ok to need people. archk! feel like i shouldn't even be commenting on this considering my current emotional/spiritual/mental state but. whatevs.
always praying, always fighting alongside you comrade. HE will work through you. He answers our prayers, especially when we are praying for His will--it is certainly His will to proclaim His love. ((even if we have nooo idea how that is going to translate or look))
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