Stuck, Hobo Hunting, Faithfulness, and the Adventures of 23

"Sir, I'm serious.  I'm stuck."

"Oh! To my floor?"

"No, Sir."

"Then how?"

"Like as a person...  Remember when I was a little girl and I could play Rahmaninov's Second Piano Concerto and everyone was talking about my potential?"

"Mhm."

"Well, I am 23 now, and everyone is still talking about my potential, but if you ask me to play the song I know best... I'll still play Rahmaninov's Second."

- Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Stuck.  I'll admit, looking at my status in life at this current moment, it's tempting to believe I am so very stuck in the same place and as the same person I was last year.

I'm not faithful in many things, but I have faithfully kept a prayer journal this past year, and what a strange year it was!  Last year I spent my birthday in Lviv, Ukraine.  This year I spent it in a minivan, in the rain, searching for homeless people and ending up eating Mexican casserole with my family and a young man we met at Albertson's named Joshua.  

Who would've thought? 

Going through my journal, I'm easily discouraged by the person I hoped I would become by now.  I set such high and noble goals- live each day with intention, walk humbly, share the Gospel boldly, live in faith... and some lesser goals- move out, get a job with IJM, publish poetry, move to Ukraine, become an advocate against human trafficking, stop watching TV and wasting time on the internet, read a million books. 

Whelp.  So much for all that. 

But something much bigger than my failed attempts at epicness pushed through those journal pages.  I'm sure if I created a word cloud for last year, the largest part of the cloud would read, "GOD IS FAITHFUL."  Over, and over, and over, and over again, stories of God's faithfulness fill the spaces between my ambitious attempts at personal holiness.  Who cares that I am a failure? GOD IS FAITHFUL!  It's okay that I am not perfect, that I

waste time

get tired

that my faith wavers

I'm a fool

I'm not the smartest

I'm not the most talented

I don't know

I struggle

over and over and over again

that I hurt

I'm weak

I need people

I need

I'm shy

I sin

I'm not beautiful

I'm selfish

God has conquered all this!  NONE of this binds me or keeps me from Him!  And though I am not the person I hoped I would be, I am molding into the person God has created me to be.  And I trust His craftsmanship utterly and completely, more than I ever have before.  As Comrade wrote to me back in August, "No matter where He takes you or who you are ministering to, your ultimate purpose is always going to be displaying HIS love and HIS power to all you come in contact with.  Your circumstances, struggles, temptations may change, but His faithfulness will not.  Your purpose may look different, the methodology may change, but the ultimate goal will always be the same- glorifying Him by loving Him, by loving others, and by making Jesus beautiful!"  So I will holdfast to the anchor of my soul, rejoicing that I can walk in a manner worthy of the call, because the One who calls me is faithful, and He will surely do it!  My weaknesses prove His strength!  My ugliness proves His beauty!  Bring on 23!!!