Cyrano: "I aim to bring a star down from the sky-
And stoop, in shame, to pluck a common flower.
Roxane: "A common flower has charm."
Cyrano: "But not tonight.
Tonight I want the star!"
So maybe I'm taking this quote a little out of context, but it's been running through my head all day and is the only way I know how to describe my life right now.
I am so confused.
Especially after watching Machine Gun Preacher last night. Don't watch it unless you are willing to take on the responsibility of knowledge of one of the most grotesque realities of human suffering and exploitation.
I can't live here like this while others live there like that. or, at least, I don't want to. I know I can't change the world, may never see much redemption in my lifetime. But I MUST do something. I don't even have words for [this].
Do I continue seeking opportunities to go? Sell everything? Abandon everyone? No if/ands/or/buts, only following Him at any cost? Am I even willing to?
Or.
Do I choose contentment here in the little things? Is God trying to teach me pure and simple obedience without the "grandeur" of my dreams?
Do I fight?
Or do I let go?
I don't think I know anything anymore. The more I think, the more tangled I get.
I know I can grasp each with both hands, but I'm so weary of the struggle.
Can I please get out of the valley of uncertainty, Lord?
And stoop, in shame, to pluck a common flower.
Roxane: "A common flower has charm."
Cyrano: "But not tonight.
Tonight I want the star!"
So maybe I'm taking this quote a little out of context, but it's been running through my head all day and is the only way I know how to describe my life right now.
I am so confused.
Especially after watching Machine Gun Preacher last night. Don't watch it unless you are willing to take on the responsibility of knowledge of one of the most grotesque realities of human suffering and exploitation.
I can't live here like this while others live there like that. or, at least, I don't want to. I know I can't change the world, may never see much redemption in my lifetime. But I MUST do something. I don't even have words for [this].
Do I continue seeking opportunities to go? Sell everything? Abandon everyone? No if/ands/or/buts, only following Him at any cost? Am I even willing to?
Or.
Do I choose contentment here in the little things? Is God trying to teach me pure and simple obedience without the "grandeur" of my dreams?
Do I fight?
Or do I let go?
I don't think I know anything anymore. The more I think, the more tangled I get.
I know I can grasp each with both hands, but I'm so weary of the struggle.
Can I please get out of the valley of uncertainty, Lord?
2 comments:
[^^^] praying for you.
^^ second dams. i love you so. whatever He desires, i know the restoration work He's doing on your heart to make it look more like His has been o so beautiful to watch <3
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