"I must the true relation make..."

Lately I have come to a realization about myself. [Aside: Isn't it strange that we do not know ourselves? That we actually have to learn who, what, and why we are? That's the problem I have always had with Descartes, how is it that we can say we exist because of what we think when we clearly do not "think" all there is to think? To me it proves we have a Creator, (thank God) and that's why we do not, nor cannot understand ourselves.] Anyway. I realized that the reason I struggle with depression is because I am often disappointed, and the reason I am often disappointed, is because I set up gloriously impossible ideals for everything I encounter in life: occasions, experiences, people. Yet therein lies the problem. The very word ideal. "A conception of something in its perfection. (dictionary.com)" Since we live in a world incapable of perfection, I am doomed to never attain any of my ideals, and often reap nothing but bitter disappointment. "I cannot help flying on the wings of anticipation, it's as glorious as sailing through a sunset, almost pays for the thud." There's the rub, "almost." The only person who will never fall short of my ideals, who cannot but always accede my ideals, is God. There is no time in my life that I can look back on and honestly say that my ideal was better than God's. And so, I have realized that I have established a few foundational ideals that have been with me since the moment I could create them. Ideals about what I will do in life, and about a person I may or may not meet in my life. I must loosen myself from these ideals. [ha. I can say it, but can I do it?] I must release my grip and cling solely to Jesus. I know this will not happen instantly, I just pray that it will happen eventually.

My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me.
My dreams are me
You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Surrender, surrender, You whisper, gently...