"I do understand, I know now..."

Today I understood.
I have spent all of my spiritual life in this church and after all the struggles it has gone through, and I have gone through in it, many hurts and questions have built up. Especially these last three years. I felt abandoned, unprotected. Again and again, God did not answer my prayers. Again and again, my needs were not met. I felt that God had let me down. I was angry and confused, but at the time I didn't know just how much it had affected me. I had become bitter, all the while believing I wasn't letting it affect me, I thought I was just "tired"...
Today was our last Sunday in this building, and I finally understood.
It's not about the church.
God was showing me through it all that it's about Him. Of course I "knew" that all along, but today I saw it. He stripped everything away so I would depend only on Him. It's not about music, a building, certain leaders, certain people, experiences, numbers, happiness...just Him.
It's so easy to get caught up in routine, but He saved me from that.
The pain was exposed, it was explained, and I not only understood why, I was thankful.
For the first time in my life, I thanked Him for it, when just the day before I was still aching with the scream of why.
How overwhelming is the love of Christ!
The healer of wounds.
The passionate lover.
The protective Father.