The call

It started at Passion 2011, singing David Crowder’s “Sometimes”-

“Where you go, we will follow.  Oh God, send me.”… I remember thinking of what those words really meant as I sang them.  I was on a cliff in a strong and terrifying wind.  I didn’t want to jump into the open air, but I heard God say, “It’s where I am.”  Okay God.  Where You go, I will follow.  Send me.  I saw God, and I meant those words.  I jumped.

…

On the plane, I read this excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest,

He went out, not knowing where he was going —Hebrews 11:8

     Have you ever “gone out” in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, “What do you expect to do?” You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to “go out” in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to “go out,” building your confidence in God. “. . . do not worry about your life . . . nor about the body . . .” (Luke 12:22). In other words, don’t worry about the things that concerned you before you did “go out.”

     Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you “go out” in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?

Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to “go out” in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to “go out” through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.

Going out is like stripping.  At each passing moment you have to take off pride, expectations, fear, want, comfort… but once you’re naked and uncomfortable, you are absolutely free and ready for God to use you.  It’s really a beautiful moment.  I bulk at it every time, but every time I come to a fuller realization that God’s ways are not mine and His thoughts are higher, more powerful, more beautiful.  I loved every fiber of this trip, couldn’t believe how much I loved it, especially being with the Ukrainian team.  They are passionately obedient to Christ, and so genuine.  I want to be like that.  Fellowship with them is so precious to me- my spirit is revived, I learn so much and am so enriched. 

Could I live in Ukraine?  Could I do this full-time? or at least long term?  …yes.  Is that what God has for me?  I don’t know.  If it is, will it be easy?  Absolutely not.  But I constantly asked myself during difficult parts of the trip, “could you do this if God called you to?” Yes.  I trust Him.  I want what He wants.  No matter how difficult, painful, lonely, and miserable it might become, it would be worth it.

 This was the devotion from My Utmost the day after I came home.

I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ’Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ —Isaiah 6:8

When we talk about the call of God, we often forget the most important thing, namely, the nature of Him who calls. There are many things calling each of us today. Some of these calls will be answered, and others will not even be heard. The call is the expression of the nature of the One who calls, and we can only recognize the call if that same nature is in us. The call of God is the expression of God’s nature, not ours. God providentially weaves the threads of His call through our lives, and only we can distinguish them. It is the threading of God’s voice directly to us over a certain concern, and it is useless to seek another person’s opinion of it. Our dealings over the call of God should be kept exclusively between ourselves and Him.

The call of God is not a reflection of my nature; my personal desires and temperament are of no consideration. As long as I dwell on my own qualities and traits and think about what I am suited for, I will never hear the call of God. But when God brings me into the right relationship with Himself, I will be in the same condition Isaiah was. Isaiah was so attuned to God, because of the great crisis he had just endured, that the call of God penetrated his soul. The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed.

I just want to know Him, no matter where I am or where He brings me and I truly don't know where that will be.