Why I am so thankful I don't live in Regency England

     This woman has deceived a plethora of young ladies (including, at times, myself) into pinning after the Regency Era.  Such manners!  Such conversation!  Such lovely architecture, countryside, and top hats!  

     Ha.  No thank you, Jane Austen.  House/pet-sitting has taught me one thing: being stuck inside all day with no greater occupation than spoon-feeding cats and crocheting baby blankets is driving me MAD.  How, how did women spend their entire LIVES like this?!  No wonder so many were sent to insane asylums.  At least there's no yellow wallpaper in the house...

     But there are always things to be thankful for:

1. a "job"

2. no deadline stress

3. Gator Pop Tarts!!

Just LOOK at them!  What's not to love?!?

     And being trapped in a foreign house all day has allowed me MUCH time to think.  And, of course, I've been thinking about Ukraine.

     When I came back this summer, I thought I'd only stay long enough to prepare for something long term in Ukraine.  Well, God simply said, "no."  Not yet, at least.  

     As anyone who knows me could guess, I was NOT okay with this.  Why would God give me a passion for this country, this people, these orphans, and not allow me to go back?  I wasn't looking for a fun year long fling; I was ready to invest my LIFE there...

     And maybe that's still in my future.  I continue to hope, but God has opened my eyes to needs HERE.  I'm in the States at this particular moment for a reason and I don't want to miss it by looking to the future.  Chambers -yet again- convicted me:

    "We have to maintain our soul open to the fact of God's creative purpose, and not muddle it with our own intentions.  If we do, God will have to crush our intentions on one side however much it may hurt.  The purpose for which the missionary is created is that he may be God's servant, one in whom God is glorified."

     He crushed my intentions alright.  but there's sweetness in the crushing.  I'm beginning to see broken lives all around me, not just in Ukraine.  The Lord is my first love, not ministry.  I can give Him my desires and passion for Ukraine because He gave them to me in the first place.  I can "dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness," trusting He will give me the desires of my heart as I delight in Him.

     It's amazing.  Before Ukraine I lacked empathy and passion for the broken people in my community.  God sent me all the way to Ukraine, over and over again, to mold my heart into His, to teach me love and compassion and zeal.  He really is after my heart.... the God of the universe intimately and furiously pursues me and forms me into His likeness.  I am totally still a mess, but I'm humbled as I realize what God has done and is doing.

     Was the whole purpose of Ukraine in my life to break my heart for what breaks His so that I could come home and minister to broken people here?  

     I hope not.  But even if it was, it's enough.