Beloved

He loves me.
It's incredible.

He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.

I've been beating on His chest for weeks now, bitter, angry, accusing Him of cruelty, blaming Him for my broken heart.  Didn't I ask Him to break my heart for what breaks His?
It didn't matter.
All I could see and know and feel and taste was suffering.  In the brokenness of my own heart I refused to see how greatly suffering pained Him.  His heart broke first.
As I struggle with trusting Him, He gently pulls me closer and closer into Him, letting me struggle, letting me hurt Him.
Oh, what kind of love is like this?
He looks at me, the one who should be named Condemned, and He calls me Redeemed.
I deserve wrath.
He gives me love.
.....

If the Titanic was made to sink
then so was my heart
for I made sure it was [{(impenetrable)}]...
So what then?
What good is a broken / heart to You?
Can you even hear my heart from {there}?

And like a father assuring his son to come home,
“Oh my son, it’s enough. 
It’s enough.”

So who am I to accept this grace that just falls like rain?
‘Cause we all know I chose to lay my head in this desert.
But like a fish out of water,
we only know then what it means to be --parched--.
So if Christ is alive,
the love,
and the groom
then take heed my friends
for chivalry is not dead! 
For I know no other lover who would have met me
[here in this place].

So I awake and I rise from my bed of complacency,
"Oh, my God, I’ve been sleeping with a corpse!
Oh, and these bed sores they still rest in my bones.
Oh, how I’ve made a beautiful dance with this cadaver,
but my audience is appalled.

Oh, how strong these tendons!
How they desperately need to ~rip~ from this ancient Adam.
So light up the sky
and set me a flame!
Burn this bone and tissue
for I no longer want to be [[entangled]] in this sinew
that ///hinders/// my reach
towards You
                                                   -"Tendons" by Bellarive


"Behold, it was for my welfare
    that I had great bitterness;
but in love you have delivered my life
    from the pit of destruction,
for you have cast all my sins
    behind your back."      Isaiah 38:17

“Come, let us return to the Lord;
    for He has torn us, that He may heal us;
    He has struck us down, and He will bind us up.
² After two days He will revive us;
    on the third day He will raise us up,
    that we may live before Him.
³ Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord;
    His going out is sure as the dawn;
He will come to us as the showers,
    as the spring rains that water the earth.”    Hosea 6:1-3