Sick of the city, wanting the sea;
Wanting the sticky, salty sweetness
Of the strong wind and shattered spray;
Wanting the loud sound and the soft sound
Of the big surf that breaks all day.
…now I am caught beneath great buildings,
Stricken with noise, confused with light.
…I have a need to hold and handle
Shells and anchors and ships again!
…I am too long away from water.
I have a need of water near.
“Exiled” ~Edna St. Vincent Millay
God knows me well. Coming home from Ukraine, I needed the ocean something fierce! He speaks so clearly to me on the sea- or perhaps I just listen better. This time, He challenged my knowledge of Him. Like Abram with the stars (Gen. 15), He took me out on the Atlantic, shook me by the shoulders and said, “look.”
It started with post-mission trip depression. I didn’t want to read the Word, didn’t want to pray, didn’t want to serve, nothing. The sea showed me why relating to God is more difficult (for me) in the U.S. than in Ukraine. God is not safe. Obviously, I love the ocean, but I was reminded today that the ocean overpowers me. A bad storm, strong current, boat issues- so many things can go wrong, and quick. The ocean’s not tame. You need to maintain a healthy fear of it, because becoming comfortable can have deadly results.
It’s the same with God. In Erasing Hell, Francis Chan says, “I hate to sound as if I’m singling out the church in America, but it’s where I live. And I have seen enough of His church in other countries to know that not everyone lives like us. In fact, few do. We have become dangerously comfortable- believers ooze with wealth and let their addictions to comfort and security numb the radical urgency of the gospel.” This is so true! Comfort is our ultimate; we can’t stand any alternatives, even God, so we “change” Him to fit in our comfortable sphere. I am so guilty of this.
Though a simple read syntactically, the subject matter of Erasing Hell surfaced my deepest issues with God. I wanted Chan to explain God and why Hell exists in a way I could understand and fit into my view of justice. Ha. Instead, Chan points to scripture, reminding me that God is God, and I am not. He has the right to do whatever He wants. If I think God is unjust, then it’s my justice system that’s screwed up, not His. If I doubt God’s goodness, then it’s my understanding that’s at fault. This was hard for me to grasp, being someone who seeks understanding in everything and depends on her own reasoning. But oh, the freedom that lies in taking hold of this truth! As the ocean far out-powers me, so God does infinitely more. “Who are you, oh man, to answer back to God?” (Romans 9:20). He is the creator of justice, who am I to judge?
This may seem depressing and even scary; it did to me. I can’t argue with God because He’s in control, so I can only succumb and tremble. But the God of justice is also a good God! Rich in mercy, abundant in love! Riding at the bow of the boat after a day off-shore, I witnessed the most magnificent sunset I’ve ever seen (and that’s saying a lot). The vibrant, lush colors literally proclaimed the beauty and majesty of the Lord. How can I not rejoice that the God who reveals Himself in such a sight is also the God who wields power that controls the sea? No, He’s not safe, but He’s good.
2 comments:
This is true of me, I get so caught up in what "God can do for me" that I forget that He's really the one in control. Being near the ocean does the same thing for me, it shows me how small I am and how magnificent my King is.
wow wow wow. did i need to read this today or what? thank you Abi. and i am right in there with you as somebody who's understanding of God's goodness is faulty and who depends to much on her own reasoning..
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