I promised to submit poems to Rollins' Brushing Magazine tonight, AND I promised to write a post for Northland's Freedom Blog tonight, but there's something I have to write for myself, first. I don't want to forget this moment. Today started with me blacking out in my kitchen (literally) and then discovering Sabra Girl was today's theme, BUT the Lord had immeasurably more planned! On my break at work, words finally came and spilled out on the nearest scrap of paper...
It's the crushed flower that produces fragrance, not the dried one. I've lived my whole life afraid of being broken, being weak. I admit, today broke me. But now that I'm broken, I have nothing to lose! I'm free. Free to love, free to live and fail and hurt and be healed. Part of me wants to say giving [this] up doesn't affect me a bit ("No prob. [insert shrug] take it."). And, as silly, irrational, and weak as it is, the truth is giving up [this] small little thing has shattered me. I thought I was a strong, immovable stone, but only because I sat in a stale room. Once someone opened the door, the air stirred and I realized I'm just a pile of dust, not strong but tossed by the slightest movement. SO what? I'm only dust. I'm reconciled to that now, and God makes beautiful things out of dust. He has rattled these dry bones and replaced my stone heart with flesh! I was dead, but now I live! What can man do to me? What else can compare to the hot breath of Christ burning in my lungs? All else is death and shadow. He alone gives life!
So I'm letting it go, but letting it go means I first have to confess grasping it. Yes, I feel, I desire, I hurt and bleed and need, but I'd rather hurt and heal rather than never feel at all. So I'm confessing being human, being vulnerable, but oh, the sweetness of brokenness when it is brought before Christ! Today's theme is actually Broken by Lifehouse. "In the pain there is healing. In Your name I find meaning."
I will live, and live abundantly.
Hallelujah.
It's the crushed flower that produces fragrance, not the dried one. I've lived my whole life afraid of being broken, being weak. I admit, today broke me. But now that I'm broken, I have nothing to lose! I'm free. Free to love, free to live and fail and hurt and be healed. Part of me wants to say giving [this] up doesn't affect me a bit ("No prob. [insert shrug] take it."). And, as silly, irrational, and weak as it is, the truth is giving up [this] small little thing has shattered me. I thought I was a strong, immovable stone, but only because I sat in a stale room. Once someone opened the door, the air stirred and I realized I'm just a pile of dust, not strong but tossed by the slightest movement. SO what? I'm only dust. I'm reconciled to that now, and God makes beautiful things out of dust. He has rattled these dry bones and replaced my stone heart with flesh! I was dead, but now I live! What can man do to me? What else can compare to the hot breath of Christ burning in my lungs? All else is death and shadow. He alone gives life!
So I'm letting it go, but letting it go means I first have to confess grasping it. Yes, I feel, I desire, I hurt and bleed and need, but I'd rather hurt and heal rather than never feel at all. So I'm confessing being human, being vulnerable, but oh, the sweetness of brokenness when it is brought before Christ! Today's theme is actually Broken by Lifehouse. "In the pain there is healing. In Your name I find meaning."
I will live, and live abundantly.
Hallelujah.
1 comment:
love love love.
Post a Comment