Promises

     Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.
     Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.  Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received for the Lord's hand double for all her sins.
     He does not deal with us according to our sins.
But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
     He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. 
God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus.
     None who wait for You shall be put to shame. 
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you with his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
     It is the Lord who goes before you.  He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.
For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
     Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
     Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.
So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.
     In the world you will have trouble.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.
We are treated as imposters, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.
     Sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
     Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.

....I need to remember His promises.

This semester

I'm taking a poetry workshop with Carol Frost, hence more poems! Here's my first of the semester. Any thoughts/critiques would be immensely appreciated!

Form: Anglo-Saxon alliterative verse.


The Alliterative Madam

Today she didn’t,   tomorrow she did
my mother,   the mad woman
made many   juxtapositions, remember?
Silver Head discerning    said sensationalisms-
Much madness is!  
                                 Understood Madam?

"She had gone forth in her strength; she would come back in her weakness."

I love Henry James' Portrait of a Lady, I just never thought I'd live it.

You know how it feels coming off a merry-go-round? Spin-spin-spin-spin-spin-spin STOP. Ok, you think you're oriented... step, fall. The spinning continues- only in your head. You balance again, take a tentative step in the forward direction- nope. Fall. turns out "forward" was actually "down."
Or
When you're tubing: the boat whips sharp at the precise wave, perfect contact, tube goes flying, you go flying- spin-spin-spin-spin-spin BAM water. You can't breathe- the wind knocked out of you? or is that water you're gasping? You reach your arm up... down?

That, or something like it, is where I'm at. Just when the spinning stops and I think I've got a grip on my direction, I fall flat.
Weakness. to the uttermost. "and I don't mean like a couple of tears and I'm blue. I'm talking about collapsing and screaming at the moon,
but I'm a better man for having gone through it." (the Avetts say it well.)
"If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it." ~C.S. Lewis
The finality of "so be it" has always inspired me- such steadfast and noble words. But these words are also fatal. often painful. no way out.
Praying, "Lord, have Your way" is the same way. That's not at all a bad thing; God is not cruel. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9. His way is better, better period, and better for me. I know that. in my head.
But I don't feel it. I feel atrocious things. Fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, abandonment, abuse... all towards a God who is gracious, who doesn't deal with me as I deserve, who endured unfathomable sacrifice so that I may know Him. He will not abandon me. "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." ~John 14:18. What amazes me is He can handle my resentment. He's not offended by my anger. He's bigger than my fear.
"Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!" ~ Psalm 25:6-7

I don't recite these words because I feel them; I NEED them.

I needed to hear this last night, I hope it speaks to you as well...

Lost

There was a girl who didn't know when to stop or
go,
and a girl who knew no rights or lefts
they drove together
not know
not go
with all that was left...

but is that right?

Sea Lessons: “He’s not safe, but He’s good.”

I am weary of words and people,
Sick of the city, wanting the sea;
Wanting the sticky, salty sweetness
Of the strong wind and shattered spray;
Wanting the loud sound and the soft sound
Of the big surf that breaks all day.
…now I am caught beneath great buildings,
Stricken with noise, confused with light.
…I have a need to hold and handle
Shells and anchors and ships again!
…I am too long away from water.
I have a need of water near.

“Exiled” ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

God knows me well. Coming home from Ukraine, I needed the ocean something fierce! He speaks so clearly to me on the sea- or perhaps I just listen better. This time, He challenged my knowledge of Him. Like Abram with the stars (Gen. 15), He took me out on the Atlantic, shook me by the shoulders and said, “look.”
It started with post-mission trip depression. I didn’t want to read the Word, didn’t want to pray, didn’t want to serve, nothing. The sea showed me why relating to God is more difficult (for me) in the U.S. than in Ukraine. God is not safe. Obviously, I love the ocean, but I was reminded today that the ocean overpowers me. A bad storm, strong current, boat issues- so many things can go wrong, and quick. The ocean’s not tame. You need to maintain a healthy fear of it, because becoming comfortable can have deadly results.
It’s the same with God. In Erasing Hell, Francis Chan says, “I hate to sound as if I’m singling out the church in America, but it’s where I live. And I have seen enough of His church in other countries to know that not everyone lives like us. In fact, few do. We have become dangerously comfortable- believers ooze with wealth and let their addictions to comfort and security numb the radical urgency of the gospel.” This is so true! Comfort is our ultimate; we can’t stand any alternatives, even God, so we “change” Him to fit in our comfortable sphere. I am so guilty of this.
Though a simple read syntactically, the subject matter of Erasing Hell surfaced my deepest issues with God. I wanted Chan to explain God and why Hell exists in a way I could understand and fit into my view of justice. Ha. Instead, Chan points to scripture, reminding me that God is God, and I am not. He has the right to do whatever He wants. If I think God is unjust, then it’s my justice system that’s screwed up, not His. If I doubt God’s goodness, then it’s my understanding that’s at fault. This was hard for me to grasp, being someone who seeks understanding in everything and depends on her own reasoning. But oh, the freedom that lies in taking hold of this truth! As the ocean far out-powers me, so God does infinitely more. “Who are you, oh man, to answer back to God?” (Romans 9:20). He is the creator of justice, who am I to judge?
This may seem depressing and even scary; it did to me. I can’t argue with God because He’s in control, so I can only succumb and tremble. But the God of justice is also a good God! Rich in mercy, abundant in love! Riding at the bow of the boat after a day off-shore, I witnessed the most magnificent sunset I’ve ever seen (and that’s saying a lot). The vibrant, lush colors literally proclaimed the beauty and majesty of the Lord. How can I not rejoice that the God who reveals Himself in such a sight is also the God who wields power that controls the sea? No, He’s not safe, but He’s good.

Happy Birthday Dad!

I'm amazed by all the cool things you've done, and I brag about them all the time! I love hearing your stories, especially the way you tell them, even if I've heard them a billion times before. I love the crazy, unrealistic things we talk about doing: skydiving, diving ship wrecks... I certainly inherited your love of nature, especially the ocean. I love waking up to loud worship music you play on Saturday mornings. I love the way you talk about the Old Testament: David, Abraham, and Elijah come to life. I love fishing with you, how excited you get even if we don't catch anything. I love quoting Master and Commander, Lord of the Rings, and the Incredibles with you. I love the integrity you have in your work, finances, and at church; I've watched you act in total honesty. I love your gentleness; You make me feel safe, (except for the times you jumped out of the closet with a lightsaber and Vader helmet while making Vader breathing noises, but that was ok ;).) I love talking about the places we hope to travel to one day. you've never betrayed my trust. You give me wise council. You encourage my strengths and inspire me to reach higher. I love how you sing Phantom of the Opera. I love it when you bring wildflowers home after working in the field. I love how you love the smell of plumerias, and when you make us lays. Most of all, I love YOU!! and I miss you so very much; I can't wait to see you again soon!

Fly

Fly
Words and music by Michael Gungor

All this doubt
Trying to work it out
Could you lay it down
For now

It’s good to think
But it’s good to drink
From this living stream
So why

Why don’t you fly
Free your mind
To all this splendor
Why don’t you fly
To the arms
That save

You can come
While your heart feels numb
You could just lie down
And rest

Or lift your eyes
To the open sky
We could come alive
And fly